I spend a lot of time looking in. Maybe too much time. I get stuck in my head and just spin on that little hamster wheel like it's going out of style. Round and round I go... I'm an endless supply of internal questioning. And I've got ruminating down pat.
Lately I've spent time on that wheel worrying about the little guy in my life and his behavior. He talks back, and talks back big time. He gets very angry about little things. It feels like he doesn't respect me. I feel like I've become "that" mom with "that" kid - you know the one - the one you see talking back to his mom or dad, the one making the scene and getting angry in public. And to be quite honest I'm embarrassed by it all, and I don't know what to do or where to start. I'm paying the price for not doing the hard work of tough discipline when he was younger. I am partly to blame for his monsterish moments. And I know that if I don't hurry-up and do the tough work now, things won't get any better and might get worse. He's a smart kid. I know all moms say that, but really, he's going to keep me on my toes. Even his speech therapist agrees. He's smart and cute and so, so sweet. And I'd like to wrap him up in a huge hug and just never let go. I wish I could make all of the struggles of growing-up go away. Being five is hard work. And it's got to be hard to deal with us big people telling him what to do or what not to do. Yep, even weeks shy of 39, growing up is tough.
So that's where I've been lately.
In my head.
Spinning 'round and 'round...thinking about my son.
I'm exhausted and I don't know what to do most days.
So I just keep spinning...
(Max was upset because Dad had let Sammy out to go potty and Sammy took-off. He thought his doggy was gone forever and never coming back. Luckily Gda - my dad - was there to comfort him.)
52 Linked 2012 A new theme every week.