Wednesday, June 6, 2012

52 linked: looking in.

Gda Hugs

I spend a lot of time looking in. Maybe too much time. I get stuck in my head and just spin on that little hamster wheel like it's going out of style. Round and round I go... I'm an endless supply of internal questioning. And I've got ruminating down pat.

Lately I've spent time on that wheel worrying about the little guy in my life and his behavior. He talks back, and talks back big time. He gets very angry about little things. It feels like he doesn't respect me. I feel like I've become "that" mom with "that" kid - you know the one - the one you see talking back to his mom or dad, the one making the scene and getting angry in public. And to be quite honest I'm embarrassed by it all, and I don't know what to do or where to start. I'm paying the price for not doing the hard work of tough discipline when he was younger. I am partly to blame for his monsterish moments. And I know that if I don't hurry-up and do the tough work now, things won't get any better and might get worse. He's a smart kid. I know all moms say that, but really, he's going to keep me on my toes. Even his speech therapist agrees. He's smart and cute and so, so sweet. And I'd like to wrap him up in a huge hug and just never let go. I wish I could make all of the struggles of growing-up go away. Being five is hard work. And it's got to be hard to deal with us big people telling him what to do or what not to do. Yep, even weeks shy of 39, growing up is tough.
rough moment

So that's where I've been lately.
Looking in.
In my head.
Spinning 'round and 'round...thinking about my son.
I'm exhausted and I don't know what to do most days.
So I just keep spinning...

(Max was upset because Dad had let Sammy out to go potty and Sammy took-off. He thought his doggy was gone forever and never coming back. Luckily Gda - my dad - was there to comfort him.)

52 Linked 2012 A new theme every week.

7 comments: said...

I think we are in a very similar spot in life right now. I have a 5 year old girl who has such a big personality and can be so loving and sweet, but then turn around with this rude attitude. I was just googling parenting books that might give me some sort of insight into what I'm doing wrong! Parenting is not easy, is it?

Carla said...

So I am also "that parent." The big one gets his attitude sometimes but nothing like the little one. I also am embarrassed. I'm the director of the child care and my kid is the one screaming or pounding on the door because I didn't let him do what he wanted. I've been in the field for 14 years and I used to pass judgement on "those parents." I am sorry to all "those parents" because I am now one of them and I didn't get it back then.
You are not alone. Be firm. Try to keep calm. That is my problem -- he gets mad and loud and then I mirror that. Not exactly the greatest grown up response.
These pictures are great. You captured his sadness in a beautiful way.

--your comment "just keep spinning" now has me singing in my head "just keep swimming, just keep swimming" from Nemo.

Liza said...

I'm one of those moms, too, with that kid. My son & I have some wicked arguments. It's been going on since he was about five...he's 10, now. It's exhausting.

So, I've recently taken a closer look at how I control my anger and sarcasm. Yes, I am very sarcastic and blow off the handle from time to time. I blame the hormones. I've promised myself to control my outburst infront of the children. I hope that by modeling better behavior, he will in turn be less argumentative and mouthy.

Good luck.

Tracey said...

I feel like the kids are always trying on attitude. Every day is a new day. :)
And the internalizing, and spinning...exhausting!
Prayers for a good weekend.
You are loved, A, by a BIG God.

Karli @ The Bonnie 5 said...

Oh friend.... sorry! :-( You know I'm awful with words... so I'll just say I'm thinking of you!!! xoxo

ZeldaMom said...

Like Carla said...try to stay calm. My kids didn't do this, but they would push every button I have when we were out somewhere public and they knew I wouldn't/couldn't do anything. They could tell by my face when they went too far. It was worse with my middle child (the chef) and once I started counting the 1-2-3's, things started getting better. If we were arguing, (and he would have done great in debate), and he started getting the snotty attitude, I would just look at him, tell him I wasn't playing that game, and walk away. He started to figure out he wasn't going to be able to push me to meltdown anymore. Give yourself a time-out when you think he really needs one, time to calm yourself down so he doesn't pick up on it and continue.
Gosh, it's so easy to suggest to someone else what to do, but when it is you in the middle of it, it's very hard to remember what you should and shouldn't do.
It boils down to...try to keep calm, anything to defuse the situation.
You have a wonderful relaxing weekend, and we'll see you on Instagram.

Heather M. said...

parenting is so hard. i wish i had some words of wisdom but i struggle with getting attitude here too and most days don't have a clue what i'm doing. hang in there, friend.