Monday, September 3, 2012

the day before...


Truth be told, there were many, many a day in the past five and a half years of being home all the time with Max when I couldn't wait for this day to come. For Max to head off to school every day. I dreamed of it (is that awful to say?...). It seemed like forever away.
And now it's finally here.
I'm not sure how I feel about it.
Or maybe I should say, I have mixed emotions, which I'm not even sure I will articulate all that well...
Part of me is excited: for him to be challenged and get to play and interact with other kids on a daily basis. For me to not worry about how to entertain him all day, and feel guilty when I have to do other things while he sits around playing on the computer or watching TV. It hasn't always been easy having an only child.
Part of me is sad though. I've heard all my friends with older kids say it: Once they start school it just flies by.
I suppose I'm worried about that part of it.
I'm worried that I will blink and he will be finishing high school and off to college. And our house will be empty once again.
Tomorrow marks a big life change for both of us.
He will spend a lot more time away from me. (And next year he will spend even more time at school...ugh) It marks the beginning of his venturing out into the world on his own. (Just typing that sentence fills me with anxiety and joy. An odd combo.)
And me? Well, I survived being the stay at home mom for those tough baby and little kid years. That part of my journey as mom is kind of over. A new chapter starts with the school years. I wonder what I will do with my time. I used to wonder what stay at home moms of school aged kids do all day. Guess I'm that SAHM mom now.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall tomorrow...
I'd love to see him at recess, and in PE, and music class (oh my! he will love music class), and sitting at his table with his new friends.
I have vivid snap-shot memories of kindergarten. I remember my teacher - Miss Shensky, and the classroom, and the days my mom helped in class...
I remember walking through that door pictured above.

My wish for you, Max, my one and only sweet boy-
run and play
make new friends
remember kindness always
and dream big.



Anonymous said...

Bittersweet. I totally get it. That's how I feel about my Natalie starting High School tomorrow. I swear it was just yesterday she was starting Kindergarten. It DOES go that fast. When my kids started Elementary School I made it a point to help out either in their class or in the PTA so I could be in the school and get a really good look at how they were doing and see the interactions in the class, at recess or with the other kids and teachers. SAHM's who have school age kids are equally busy, just doing different things. :) Hope it goes great for Max and for You. :)

Tracey said...

Honestly, I think I became a better mom when my kids went of to school bc of the time I had to myself. That's the introvert part in me though.
They're right, time does fly. But I am excited for you as to the new change. I do wonder the Lord has in store for you with the few hours he's given you? Rest? Creative space? Connection with others? A new direction? Your horizon is wide open friend! Dream big!

stacey said...

Loved reading this, Andrea. Yes, it is bittersweet, but it's also a good thing. It means they are growing and changing into that little person God wants them to be. Enjoy the time to yourself, I know I have learned to relish it and it has been good for me. Can't wait to hear how the day went for both of you!