Pure exhaustion - the work to create the perfect life, home, child, self.
Reading extra books at bedtime because that's what good mothers do, right? Making my son a different meal just about every night because he has to eat something...he's skinny. Giving-in to buying that bag of candy or book or toy at the store because you don't want to be the mom with "that" kid. Crawling into bed with him night after night after he's come to get me because its more important that he get a good night of sleep.
Sweeping every little crumb, wiping every little spill, washing every little dish. Picking-up every toy and putting it in its place. Making the house look "normal" again at 9pm knowing all to well it will be a mess by 9 the next morning.
Putting on my face and straightening my hair, every. single.day. Struggling to say just the right things to the right people. Telling them what they want to hear. Keeping my thoughts and words to myself so as not to offend. Fighting back tears. Searching for that pre-mommy piece of me that was left wandering the halls of the maternity ward that snowy day in January. Looking for something that is mine - all mine. Frustration when my pictures fail to look as spectacular as my blog friends' photos. The pressure of constant comparison and constant disappointment in myself...
Welcome to the inner-workings of Andrea. Exhausting, isn't it?
The quest for perfection will tie you in knots and leave you feeling less-than-perfect every. single. time. The higher we raise the bar, the more tiresome it becomes to stand on tip-toe in our attempts to reach it.
The good news is this: We have been released from the burden of perfection. God doesn't expect us to be perfect. And additionally, we shouldn't expect anyone else in our lives to be perfect. Divinity is an awfully heavy burden to place on our shoulders and the shoulders of those we love.
11 comments:
Love this post. Sounds like the inner workings of Carla too. Sometimes it's hard to remember that we don't have to be perfect. Had a bad day at work yesterday but this is a great reminder as I start my day today. :)
You said it all in those last couple of lines. Beautiful post!
Needed this. Thank you so much for your honesty!
Your thoughts are great... but I've got to comment on your beautiful photos. LOVELY.
This post is real and honest and I wish I could give you a big (((hug))) right now.
Praying for you.
And the photos really are lovely, Andrea.
a lovely post, with some beautiful photos. i especially love the light in the second one.
I appreciate your honesty in this post. I think as women we all tend to compare ourselves to others. Constantly. I wish I could reach through the computer and hug you too. We all need one sometimes. I think you are wonderful and so are your images. Hang in there! Sending prayers your way!
Wow, do we ever have a LOT in common. I so hear you. I could have written those first few sentences. Even the January maternity ward bit. That is what month my first was born. Motherhood is the hardest job you will ever do. I've lowered so many of my -way to high - who needs to be THAT perfect - standards. It's hard to let go, but once you do, it feels better. Hang on to what matters. (PS - I didn't do my hair OR my make-up today. See!)
Wow, do we ever have a LOT in common. I so hear you. I could have written those first few sentences. Even the January maternity ward bit. That is what month my first was born. Motherhood is the hardest job you will ever do. I've lowered so many of my -way to high - who needs to be THAT perfect - standards. It's hard to let go, but once you do, it feels better. Hang on to what matters. (PS - I didn't do my hair OR my make-up today. See!)
I just have to say that your voices are not very different from anybody else's. :) So that should release you somewhat from the feeling that you are different in your struggles. Perfection is a myth and a lie that our minds know but our hearts still seem to believe. I have to remind myself that the pretty appearances I see on other blogs are just that...appearances, only the surface of things. Pretty photos, from imperfect people who struggle just like me.
You are enough A. Just as you are. A gem in the process of being buffed to heavenly perfection that will only achieve it's completion until you quit this life and take His hand in the next.
Sending a big hug to you...
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You are so real and I love that. So much of this sounds very familiar. Thankfully (for me at least) I'm not a perfectionist. Most of the time good enough works for me - except with photography. That one's really hard for me. Oh, and I do have to put on makeup and do my hair everyday. I'm really weird about that one!
I'm so thankful that God doesn't expect perfection. I'd be in big, big trouble.
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