Monday, September 26, 2011
Pure exhaustion - the work to create the perfect life, home, child, self.
Reading extra books at bedtime because that's what good mothers do, right? Making my son a different meal just about every night because he has to eat something...he's skinny. Giving-in to buying that bag of candy or book or toy at the store because you don't want to be the mom with "that" kid. Crawling into bed with him night after night after he's come to get me because its more important that he get a good night of sleep.
Sweeping every little crumb, wiping every little spill, washing every little dish. Picking-up every toy and putting it in its place. Making the house look "normal" again at 9pm knowing all to well it will be a mess by 9 the next morning.
Putting on my face and straightening my hair, every. single.day. Struggling to say just the right things to the right people. Telling them what they want to hear. Keeping my thoughts and words to myself so as not to offend. Fighting back tears. Searching for that pre-mommy piece of me that was left wandering the halls of the maternity ward that snowy day in January. Looking for something that is mine - all mine. Frustration when my pictures fail to look as spectacular as my blog friends' photos. The pressure of constant comparison and constant disappointment in myself...
Welcome to the inner-workings of Andrea. Exhausting, isn't it?
The quest for perfection will tie you in knots and leave you feeling less-than-perfect every. single. time. The higher we raise the bar, the more tiresome it becomes to stand on tip-toe in our attempts to reach it.
The good news is this: We have been released from the burden of perfection. God doesn't expect us to be perfect. And additionally, we shouldn't expect anyone else in our lives to be perfect. Divinity is an awfully heavy burden to place on our shoulders and the shoulders of those we love.