Saturday, May 19, 2012

52 linked: anger

Linked 52: anger

I'm a bit of a hot-head. There, I said it outloud. My mom, dad, brother and husband know it, and probably even Max senses it from me :-(  I let the little stuff really get to me. I can go from zero to 60 in seconds. More like, zero to 120 in seconds. And then I just let it gnaw at me for hours or days. My blood pressure goes through the roof (fairly certain of this...), heart pounds, and my chest, neck and face flush (well, this kind of happens all the time when I talk to just about anyone, which I am VERY self-conscious about. Extremely. So much so that I have developed a bit of anxiety about it and wear turtlenecks when I'm going to be in a social situation and the weather permits {good thing I live in a cloudy, cool state} and rarely wear v-neck shirts of any kind. Need to see the doctor about this. But I digress...) Anyway, I'm not sure when I became the girl with the anger issues. I mean, I don't consider myself an angry person. But I let so much little stuff that I should just let roll-off my back bother me that I can easily spend too much time in an angry place  - if it's one of those days. And I'm a thinker, so I can be stuck in my head for a long time mulling-over that thing that set me off. (Oh boy...here I am again painting a not-so-pretty picture of myself...)
Examples of things that I let get to me:
Having to tell Max to leave the dog alone 239 times a day.
Having to tell Max to get dressed 95 times before he does it.
Cleaning-up messes that others make. I'm oh-so serious when I say "You make the mess. You clean it up. Now. Not later. And you clean it up thoroughly." A half-hearted cleaning-up of a mess will make me even more mad.
Going to the bank to get something out of the safe-deposit box only to be told to sit down and wait, and then watch the employees help three other customers. (Yea, that happened yesterday. And yes, I got up and told them that I wasn't happy to be asked to wait while they help other customers who came in after me. Got a five dollar Starbucks card and many apologies from the nice gal who helped me.)
Just a few examples...there are many more things that set me off - the driver who cuts me off, or doesn't signal before changing lanes, all of that little stuff that sure, it's annoying, but it sets me off more than it should.  I realize none of this is at all healthy for me - mentally or most importantly, physically. I'm sure my body has been flooded with enough stress hormones to power a small city. I don't have to be a doctor to know that's not good. So, what do I do with all of this anger? Honestly, I'm not sure how to manage it. I'm aware of my problem and thinking about it. That's a start. And when I do get upset and I'm at home, I clean. It's my little release.
So you get a selfie today. Taken weeks ago, but I chose it because you can see the top of my head, and I did describe myself as a hot-head. ;-) And now you know even more about me that you probably didn't really need to know. But you still love me, right?

16 comments:

Amanda said...

Yep, still love ya. And I love that you're honest and vulnerable. xo

Jean said...

Love your honesty!

Well, you know what? Maybe it's not you, it's them. I have been questioning myself lately. . . Why are some people just jerks? Sometimes I get all crazy about the little things, but I get over it.

Casey Martinez said...

I wouldn't consider myself a not head but, I will say that since having a child I now yell and I never, ever did that prior to having a kid. I want to punch holes in the walls some days when she drives me absolutely batty....so I guess I'll blame the kids on this. LOL. It is exhausting to be a mom and trying to be patient all the time with children is so trying. I pray a lot more these days lemme tell yah! And yes, I love you of course and always love when people are real!!

Simply Sara said...

hello my name is sara and i yell.
a lot.
sigh...

i feel like what i want to do i can't do and what i don't want to do, i end up doing.

while i generally don't get upset about little things throughout the day...my kids know how to push my buttons.

it is a struggle that i battle daily, because i don't want to be "that mom" but almost everyday i am having to ask my kids forgiveness because mommy lost it.

sigh.

you are beautiful. for your honesty. vulnerability. and nope, you are not alone!
xoxo

stacey said...

I so appreciate your honesty, too, Andrea.

So funny because I JUST, and I mean JUST, sat down with my kids and had a little chat about things we can do to make things better so I don't have to yell as much. I also have to ask their forgiveness on a regular basis for overreacting and getting angry.

Still love you and know that you are not alone. I think everyone has their moments with anger, and if they say they don't they are lying. :)

ZeldaMom said...

Oh yes, yes, yes, right there with you.
I feel MUCH better now without chocolate and too much sugar.
I'm envious of those people who are always happy and positive (I think there might be something wrong with them) hahahaha
As long as you have an outlet of some sort.
:-)

JennD said...

Ugh, I lose it way too often over here too. Traffic and having to ask one too many times does it here too. Hugs my friend. Love how you used that selfie for your post.
And I love that you wrote this post.

Marvett Smith said...

This makes me smile. Love the selfie, and I love knowing I'm not alone on the whole "you make the mess you clean it up thing". That makes me nuts!!!

Just Rhonda said...

It's so hard to be patient with little people I think. And some days that seems to seep into every else. Love that you were so honest and real. And GREAT shot to go with it!

Heather M. said...

oh andrea, you are definitely not alone. i love you even more for being brave enough to post this. i get upset way too often too and some days it seems like anything can set me off. my worst days are when i'm tired. thanks for being so real with your post.

Tracey said...

You are much more "normal" than you believe yourself to be. :) I think you would be surprised to see all of us in our personal spaces screaming at the top of our lungs somedays.
Thank you for your honesty!

Shawntae said...

Ditto to everything Stacey and Tracey said!

And I think you had every right to be ticked about the bank making you sit and wait while they waited on people that came in after you!

tracy said...

oh, you are me! thanks for making me feel normal!!! love the honesty...

Karli @ The Bonnie 5 said...

Oh yeah. Yes to everything! I was such a hot head when I first had Collin. I was 26, didn't plan to get pregnant (EVER) and didn't know what the heck I was doing. Wasn't even sure I WANTED to be doing it... you know?

3 kids later, and they have calmed me WAAAAY down. It's a blessing and they've really helped shape my character in a way that is much more pleasing to God. Drew and Livia were SAINTS as babies.... I mean ridiculously easy, so I got a break there. I know TT might get a bad rap on my blog... but I'm totally just kidding. I mean, yeah, she's a character.... but she's so GOOD.

Love your honesty. I have yucky mom moments too. I just apologize and try to be better. It's wonderful that you are aware of it... I try to do the same. Hope you're having a wonderful week! xoxo

Heidi said...

Oh I hear you on this! When everyone posted last week that it was hard for them because they don't really get Angry about anything I felt so bad because there's a lot I get angry about - like the 372 reminders to my kids every day about the same things!!

And my husband makes fun of me because if he's home and sees me cleaning then he says, "Oh, mom must be angry because she's cleaning again!!!"

Heidi said...

Oh I hear you on this! When everyone posted last week that it was hard for them because they don't really get Angry about anything I felt so bad because there's a lot I get angry about - like the 372 reminders to my kids every day about the same things!!

And my husband makes fun of me because if he's home and sees me cleaning then he says, "Oh, mom must be angry because she's cleaning again!!!"