I spend far too much time looking "out there" at other people's work.
Wondering how they get wonderfully clean, color edits. I've not been happy with my color edits lately. I sit down to edit and I'm overwhelmed with choices and actions and knowing what I want it to look like but having no idea how to get there. I don't really have time to spend hours in front of my PC playing around in Elements or watching tutorial videos. I have a five year old. My time should be spent with him, not some computer program. So I don't pick-up my camera.
Wondering how they can take photos with high contrast and not end-up with chromatic aberration. I've been researching and reading and Googling, and I just walk away from my computer more frustrated than before. I know there is a solution, but I have no idea what it is or what I'm doing wrong. So I don't pick-up my camera.
I look at my surroundings and wonder what is worth photographing. All I see is a mess. So I clean and vacuum and wash dishes and try to make peace with the clutter. So I don't pick-up my camera.
I think about what to blog about and my mind is blank. No ideas. Nothing creative. Writing is not my forte, so sitting down to be creative in this space is really tough for me. I spend so much time reading everything else out there that I end-up feeling overwhelmed. So I don't pick-up my camera.
I have so SO many questions and no one to ask them to. And in this creative world there seems to be this unwritten rule that people aren't going to share too much with you for fear of letting you in on the "secret" to their style. I totally get that and I completely respect it, and that's part of the reason I don't ask the questions. I feel like I shouldn't. I'm a hands-on learner. I learn best by talking with others and exchanging ideas and information. I don't have any photographer friends here to bounce ideas off of. So I don't pick-up my camera.
You can see the pattern here...not picking-up my camera.
And I know (I know) that the best way to resolve all of the above problems is to pick-up my camera.
But it all seems so overwhelming some days:
I pick-up my camera, struggle with settings, delete a few photos in-camera, download, criticize my work, delete a lot more, see if there is a blog post among one or two of the photos, sit down with Elements and criticize some more, get overwhelmed with editing options so I hurriedly edit and settle for something other than what I envisioned, struggle to say what I want to say in my blog post, publish, and walk away wondering what I'll post about next time. Wondering what I'll take photos of next time.
Why is it such a struggle? Why is the creative process so full of self-criticism? I don't look forward to it. I really kind of dread it because I know it will take me to this place of comparison and self-doubt and frustration with my photography skills, and ultimately with myself.
I'm frustrated and I don't know what to do.
And that is what has been on my mind lately.
(And it took me a long time to hit publish on this post.)