silly girl.

More from this family session to come...

slice of life: the garage.

52 linked: looking in.

I spend a lot of time looking in. Maybe too much time. I get stuck in my head and just spin on that little hamster wheel like it's going out of style. Round and round I go... I'm an endless supply of internal questioning. And I've got ruminating down pat.

Lately I've spent time on that wheel worrying about the little guy in my life and his behavior. He talks back, and talks back big time. He gets very angry about little things. It feels like he doesn't respect me. I feel like I've become "that" mom with "that" kid - you know the one - the one you see talking back to his mom or dad, the one making the scene and getting angry in public. And to be quite honest I'm embarrassed by it all, and I don't know what to do or where to start. I'm paying the price for not doing the hard work of tough discipline when he was younger. I am partly to blame for his monsterish moments. And I know that if I don't hurry-up and do the tough work now, things won't get any better and might get worse. He's a smart kid. I know all moms say that, but really, he's going to keep me on my toes. Even his speech therapist agrees. He's smart and cute and so, so sweet. And I'd like to wrap him up in a huge hug and just never let go. I wish I could make all of the struggles of growing-up go away. Being five is hard work. And it's got to be hard to deal with us big people telling him what to do or what not to do. Yep, even weeks shy of 39, growing up is tough.

So that's where I've been lately.

Looking in.

In my head.

Spinning 'round and 'round...thinking about my son.

I'm exhausted and I don't know what to do most days.

So I just keep spinning...

(Max was upset because Dad had let Sammy out to go potty and Sammy took-off. He thought his doggy was gone forever and never coming back. Luckily Gda - my dad - was there to comfort him.)

52 Linked 2012 A new theme every week.

Michelle, Tracey, Stacey, Heather, Jenn, Jessica, Amanda, Amanda, Kristin, Sara, Tracy, Lesli, Janet, Naomi, Rhonda, Rose, Carla, Heidi, Kristin, Heather, Amy, Liza, Veronica, Kristi.

the last day of pre-k.

His last day of school was Tuesday.

And his end-of-school-year program was that night.

The final walk back to the car from the church.

He will officially be a big Kindergartener in three months.

When did he grow- up? How did that happen so fast?

52 linked: body parts

Let me first say that I don't like feet. Not at all. They get stinky and get callouses and some are hairy. They just kind of gross me out. They should be kept in socks or shoes at all times, unless you are in the pool, in the shower or on the beach. But Max's feet? I could eat them up. When he was a baby I never put socks on him. Not unless it we were going outside and it was super cold. I loved to see those little chubby, sausage toes peeking out from under a blanket. And five years later I still love his little feet and those ten little toes. They are just too cute. Even when they are stinky, they are still cute. I wonder if I will always think they are cute? Even when they are stinky teenager feet. (And I have to chuckle because Jessica did a similar post a couple of weeks ago.)

52 Linked 2012 A new theme every week.

A few other friends are joining-in on the adventure.

Please stop by and see their interpretations of our word of the week.

Michelle, Tracey, Stacey, Heather, Jenn, Jessica, Amanda, Amanda, Kristin, Sara, Tracy, Lesli, Janet, Naomi, Rhonda, Rose, Carla, Heidi, Kristin, Heather, Amy, Liza, and Veronica.

sparkle.

I hope your Valentine's Day was full of a little sparkle.

xo

Andrea, Eric and Max

five.

He turned five on the tenth. I'm very late in getting a birthday post up. Late is just how I roll these days.
But better late than never.

We celebrated on his birthday, the next weekend at my parents house, and then he just had his birthday party with friends on Sunday. Needless to say he has a ton of gifts now. A ton of gifts right after Christmas. (Makes me glad I have a summer birthday.)

FIVE

You love to sing

You love to be silly

You go running to greet your dad when he gets home from work (just like Maggie used to do :)

You love school

You love to have books read to you at night

You love to write words and numbers

You have great handwriting for your age

You are smart!

You are fiercely stubborn

You can play with two pencils for hours, pretending they are people with their own little lives

You are creative

You like to paint

You have a ton of toys and yet never play with the same thing for very long. Always changing it up

You love to come into our room and night and ask me to sleep in your bed

You love popsicles, ice cream with Magic Shell, homemade mac and cheese, broccoli, salad with blue cheese dressing, Goldfish, chips, and Chipoltle

You love knock-knock jokes

You have the best laugh ever

You love your blanket with the bear on it

You love your "extra" jammies

And you are loved to the moon and back.

Happy Birthday, Max.

his shadow.

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,

And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.

He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;

And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow—

Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;

For he sometimes shoots up taller like an india-rubber ball,

And he sometimes gets so little that there's none of him at all.

He hasn't got a notion of how children ought to play,

And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.

He stays so close beside me, he's a coward you can see;

I'd think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!

One morning, very early, before the sun was up,

I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;

But my lazy little shadow, like an errant sleepy-head,

Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.

Robert Louis Stevenson

(I've got nothin' today, so you get a little poem.)

Happy Friday, friends.

a.

friday: i'm thinking...

...this boy keeps me on my toes, challenges me to be a better person, makes me laugh,

trusts me with his little life, and loves to give hugs & kisses.

I'm thinkin' he's a keeper. :)

(And he set-up this shot...budding photog?)

* * * * *

Such a fun week, linking-up with some friends. Great idea, Tracey!

Thank you for inviting me to join you.

Now go see what my friends are thinkin' this Friday...

Happy Friday, friends!

Michelle

Stacey

Susan 

Georgia

Rose

Tracey 

Heather

Naomi

Barbara

Shawntae

Liza

Ashley

Carla  

Tami 

Karli

Kelly

Veronica

monday: i'm thinking...

He's got a lot of stuffed animals and he loves them so. Just like his momma did.
(Mind you, this is only a small sampling of his stuffed animals.)

I'm linking-up with some of my friends this week. Now go see what they're thinking today. :)
(And yes, I was late today. I scheduled my post to automatically post on the wrong day. Oops!)

Michelle http://www.michellesidles.com/

Stacey  http://sdanddoublee.blogspot.com/

Susan   http://shortonwords.blogspot.com/

Georgia  http://itsjusthowiseethings.blogspot.com/

Rose  http://justaddcolor.blogspot.com/

Tracey http://www.tmorrisphotography.com/

Heather  http://www.flickr.com/photos/30912270@N03/
Naomi http:/theliesters.blogspot.com
Liza http://www.lizabeeandcompany.com/
Barbara http://www.flickr.com/photos/50654891@N07/

sink bath.

Ok, so it wasn't exactly a bath, but he got his cute little feet clean.



Look at those cute toes...

the big boys.

Dear little boy of mine,
I know you love to watch the big boys. They run around and shoot hoops and ride their bikes and scooters down our steep hill. You stand in awe, watching. And I can tell you want to do all of those things. You even ask me if the big boys would play with you.
You will be big soon enough. Far too soon, I'm afraid. There will come a day when you do all of the things those big boys are doing, and the little boys will stand in awe of you.
I love your more than you know, my little man.
Hugs and kisses,
Mom

walk away slow.

More wishes than a thousand hearts can count for you

More smiles than a merry-go-round

The sweetest ending to a bed time story told

My love follows you where you go

More laughter than a kindergarten out to play

One Sunday morning song that says it all

More Summer than the California beach can hold

My love follows you where you go

Future like a promise, you're city of gold

Stubborn in your bones and Jesus in your soul

Seeing you stand there staring at the unknown

I won't pretend that it's not killing me watching you walk away slow

Take forgiveness take a prayer or take the deepest breath

And take the answers in your heart

When you wake up and the world is cruel and cold

My love follows you where you go

More freedom than a field of flowers in a wind

More beauty than a morning after rain

Up the steepest hill, the dark and crooked road

My love follows you where you go

Future like a promise, you're city of gold

Stubborn in your bones and Jesus in your soul

Seeing you stand there staring at the unknown

I won't pretend that it's not killing me watching you walk away slow

My Love Follows You Where You Go - Alison Krauss

He's walking away slow a little bit everyday. Makes me happy he is finding his independence. And a little sad that he won't need me quite so much anymore. But my love follows him everywhere he goes. That will never change. He will always be in my heart. I love you little man.
(Click on the link above to hear the song. Amazing.)

parking cars.

Max set-up some road and parked a whole bunch of cars in the kitchen area Friday morning. Silly boy. It was cute watching him line-up all of his cars though.





And you see that van?... That's the Mystery Van from Scooby Doo. (Ok, no it's not, but doesn't it look like it?)

he calls me mom.

He used to call me mommy. Not too long ago. But now I am mom.

He's growing up. Too fast.

The nurses called him peanut when he was born. All 4 pounds, 15 ounces of him.

Tiny. My small hand almost covered his entire back.

I rocked him for hours when he was little. Hours.

He wanted to be held all the time.

Now he is four (and almost a half.)

He runs and jumps and dances and sings and makes too much noise some days.

He holds my hand and gives me kisses.

He comes and gets me almost every night. Which drives me crazy, but also secretly makes me happy that he still needs me. Some day he won't need me much, if at all.

Because of you, Max, I am mom.

Thank you for that gift.

Love, Mommy.

a mustache and other randoms things.

Funny stuff...
On the way home from the store, out of the blue, Max said to me, "I very want a mustache." I asked, "Who do you know who has a mustache?" Max, "Gda." I suspected he was going to say Gda (my dad). I can't think of any other men in Max's life who have a mustache except Gda. For as far back in my mind that I can remember, my dad has had a mustache. I've seen pictures of him without one, but that's it. The things that kids think of...silly.

Reading...
I've been reading Water for Elephants. Not very far into it yet, but I'm enjoying it so far. Today I stopped by Borders and picked up this book. I read the sample on Kindle on my phone in one evening (the sample isn't very long...). The sample alone spoke to me and I just had to pick-up this book to continue reading! I tend to watch far too much TV (United States of Tara, Nurse Jackie, The Office, Greys, Private Practice...well, you get the idea.)

Hard stuff...
D-day 3 has arrived. It is/was today. May 3rd. Blood draw this morning and now the wait. THE wait. I waited all day to hear back. At 4:30 I couldn't stand it any longer and I called the doctor - only to be told they don't have the results from the lab yet. If I had driven the 20 miles into Portland to their lab, I'd know now. Instead I went to a lab close to home. A decision I will pay for in the form of waiting and not sleeping tonight. My anxiety is through the roof, and all I'd really like to do is have a drink or run (or both) and I can't do either. Seriously. How will I sleep? The rational side of me says - you waited this long; you've waited years...so what's another day? The irrational side of me (in a whiny voice) says - I've waited for years! I need to know now. I thought today was the day I got my answer? I digress... Prayers, friends. I'm not one to reach out for help or ask for favors, but today I ask for prayer for a patient heart and mind, and some sleep tonight.

Happy stuff...
And finally, imagine my shock and utter amazement this morning when I was casually going through blogs I follow on Google Reader on my phone, and found this. My stomach did a little flip and my heart skipped a beat I think. I've posted a handful of photos to the Shutter Sisters 365 group on Flickr, in the hopes that maybe one of my photos would be chosen. But I guess I always figured it was just that - a maybe. I'm not one to get my hopes up too high for anything in my life (that's another long post for another day...). In a weird way that I can't quite explain, it was validation for me. Validation that I am good, that maybe I do know what I'm doing from time to time. Thank you, Shutter Sisters.



Happy Tuesday, friends.
A

dandelions.

Big breath!...



exhale...



and try not to get any in your mouth...



(Not the sharpest photos in the world. I've had a lot of issues with focus lately. I like a shallow depth of field, but then I usually end-up with poor focus overall. Any tips, suggestions, ideas are welcome!)

chalk.

New chalk on a rainy Friday.



Max opened them in the car and said, "They are so beautiful." Oh, the simple joys of childhood. There is such beauty in simple things all around us if we just take the time to really look.

seven.

Seven years ago today I became Mrs. Meisgeier (it's a mouthful, I know. And if you can pronounce it correctly on the first try I will give you a gold star!...)



I married one funny man, and three years later I was blessed with another funny little man in my life.



Happy Anniversary, funny man.
I love you.

sad boy.

He sat on the couch with his blanket and new, favorite dinosaur stuffed animal (whose long, Max-given name I cannot pronounce), watching Glee Encore.
About an hour before he fell backward off that couch, whacking the back of his head on the window sill. I didn't see it happen. I was in the room, occupied with my coffee when I heard the thud. I looked up and saw the light behind the couch moving around a bit. A little voice said, "I'm ok. I'm ok." He says this sometimes when he falls down - that should have been my clue. But I started in with my "mom" voice, "Max, get up. Let's not play behind the couch." His faced poked-up and there were tears. I went over to him as he felt the back of his head. And that's when I saw the gash. Bright red blood in his fine hair. I picked him up, handed him to my dad and grabbed a cold wash cloth for his head. I then ran upstairs to ask my mom to hurry and come look, while I grabbed some hydrogen peroxide.
A few thoughts raced through my head - should I call my mother-in-law (a nurse of 35+ years)? Should I call the doctor? Will the bleeding stop soon? Will he need stitches? How do I put a band-aid on his head with all that hair? (I know, I know - but that thought actually did cross my mind.) And at the same time I felt awful that my first mental reaction was, there he is again doing something he shouldn't do... I didn't think he might be hurt. I didn't actually see it happen.
I felt bad...and I hoped my immediate lack of concern didn't add to his tears and his pain.
There is nothing I want more in my life as a mother than for my child to feel completely accepted by me, his mom. Spills off the back of the couch and all.
My love is unconditional.