lately...

Autumn is here. It's my favorite season. I anxiously begin anticipating it's arrival about the end of July when I'm just tired of the long, sunny, hot days. And let me tell you, we got a really great long and hot summer here in the Pacific Northwest this year. But yes, I was ready for fall and cool days and sweater weather and shorter days way back in July.

It's funny. Now that I think about it the only change I really love and eagerly anticipate is the change of seasons. If I had to rank the seasons I look forward to most - autumn, winter, spring and lastly, summer. But I really do look forward to them all. I get tired of the hot sunny days in the summer, and the rain and cold in the winter, and spring - well, I don't seem to tire of spring.

Today is the second day of fall quarter at Clark College. I signed-up for one, two credit online only class. Times have changed, I know, but I'm really not so sure about this online learning thing. I am certain there are benefits to it (I don't have to find a sitter and drive all the way into downtown Vancouver for class, I can do my work whenever I please and in my PJs...) But I went to college in the early mid 90s. We sat in class. We tried like hell to stay awake in early morning classes. We ran into friends on campus. We met new friends in new classes. And we actually got to interact and learn from one another, not just a textbook and a professor. Does that make me sound old?...Maybe I am old. Forty and going to college...

And on this second day of the quarter I'm already questioning whether I really should be taking a class. I'm the queen bee of second guessing. Will I be able to do the work? (Yes. Yes you will, Andrea.) Do I want to do the work? (Umm...today - no, not really. This week - no, not really.) I guess lazy has gotten the best of me as of late. That's what being home and not working or going to school for almost seven years will do to you. But I have three assignments due by Sunday...

I've been in a photography slump. Again. What's new, right?... But an idea came to me today. A little project for October. I'll tell you more about it soon enough. ;)

Our hardwood floors are installed!! yahoo!! Eric and a friend of his from work worked their butts off and got it done in just three weekends. We have some work to do on the trim now, but the floors are in! And that nasty, gross carpet. GONE. We are using scraps of it as area rugs for now - don't want to scratch those new floors. The floor is defintely colder than the carpet! And we've had a few good laughs watching Sammy negotiate the new floors when she gets all excited when dad gets home. She's a slip-sliding mess. But it's funny.

Have you heard this song by Avicii?... Kinda catchy, I think.

Oh and this one. I love The Barenaked Ladies. Glad to hear them on the radio again!

I suppose that's all for now. Enjoy the week, friends!

a.

on my mind lately: photography

I spend far too much time looking "out there" at other people's work.

Wondering how they get wonderfully clean, color edits. I've not been happy with my color edits lately. I sit down to edit and I'm overwhelmed with choices and actions and knowing what I want it to look like but having no idea how to get there. I don't really have time to spend hours in front of my PC playing around in Elements or watching tutorial videos. I have a five year old. My time should be spent with him, not some computer program. So I don't pick-up my camera.

Wondering how they can take photos with high contrast and not end-up with chromatic aberration. I've been researching and reading and Googling, and I just walk away from my computer more frustrated than before. I know there is a solution, but I have no idea what it is or what I'm doing wrong. So I don't pick-up my camera.

I look at my surroundings and wonder what is worth photographing. All I see is a mess. So I clean and vacuum and wash dishes and try to make peace with the clutter. So I don't pick-up my camera.

I think about what to blog about and my mind is blank. No ideas. Nothing creative. Writing is not my forte, so sitting down to be creative in this space is really tough for me. I spend so much time reading everything else out there that I end-up feeling overwhelmed. So I don't pick-up my camera.

I have so SO many questions and no one to ask them to. And in this creative world there seems to be this unwritten rule that people aren't going to share too much with you for fear of letting you in on the "secret" to their style. I totally get that and I completely respect it, and that's part of the reason I don't ask the questions. I feel like I shouldn't. I'm a hands-on learner. I learn best by talking with others and exchanging ideas and information. I don't have any photographer friends here to bounce ideas off of. So I don't pick-up my camera.

You can see the pattern here...not picking-up my camera.

And I know (I know) that the best way to resolve all of the above problems is to pick-up my camera.

But it all seems so overwhelming some days:

I pick-up my camera, struggle with settings, delete a few photos in-camera, download, criticize my work, delete a lot more, see if there is a blog post among one or two of the photos, sit down with Elements and criticize some more, get overwhelmed with editing options so I hurriedly edit and settle for something other than what I envisioned, struggle to say what I want to say in my blog post, publish, and walk away wondering what I'll post about next time. Wondering what I'll take photos of next time. 

Why is it such a struggle? Why is the creative process so full of self-criticism? I don't look forward to it. I really kind of dread it because I know it will take me to this place of comparison and self-doubt and frustration with my photography skills, and ultimately with myself.

I'm frustrated and I don't know what to do.

And that is what has been on my mind lately.

(And it took me a long time to hit publish on this post.)